I'm back after a lovely Easter weekend and am ashamed of my terribly neglected blog. Got lots of reading, commenting and catching up to do!
Anyways, today I saw something very amusing and thought I would share...
I was at my mum's house watching a re-run of 'The Dog Whisperer' and arguing about which one of us was pack leader, when an illuminous blue car chuggered to a stop outside the living room window.
It was a learner driver. No big deal, they often nought point it around my mum's street because of its lack of actual moving traffic.
On closer inspection, however (yes I'm a curtain twitcher) I saw a mahoosive pink lipstick print sticker emblazoned on the side of the car, and the words 'Wags School of Driving'
Seriously.
This was the name of an actual bonafide driving school. To be fair, in much smaller writing were the words 'Women and Girls School of Driving' but it was clear that the whole premise on which they attracted their customers was an unfounded asscociation with the wives and girlfriends of premiership footballers.
Seriously!
This got me thinking about what kind of stuff you might have to learn if you were a member of the 'Wags School of Driving'. Here are my thoughts...
The Ten Commandments of the Wag School Of Driving
1. Thou shalt understand that a rearview mirror is an appearance checking device, as well as a saftey one.
2. Thou shalt learn 'The Knowledge', only using a map of Cheshire instead of London.
3. Thou shalt only drive a car with a 'swarovski bejewelled' gear stick. No exceptions will be made.
4. Thou shalt master the art of simultaneous lip-gloss application and three point turn.
5. Thou shalt install a saftey car carrier for your itsy bitsy dressed in a costume dog.
6. Thou shalt retain suitably vacant expression during any incidents of road rage.
7 Thou shalt always wear huge sunglasses in your car. Even if it's raining and not sunny at all.
8. Thou shalt keep all driving accesories(gloves, maps, lip-gloss) in a Hermes Birkin bag.
9. Thou shalt drive in a heel no less than 4 inches.
10. Thou shalt ignore all of the above, and just employ a driver to ferry you about while you do bugger all.
Any more suggestions would be welcome!
9 comments:
Hi!
That post made me chuckle! And it also made me worry slightly as some of the 'Commandments' sounded so real! I can imagine Vicky Beckham learning them! lol
Thou shalt service thy footballer boyfriend in the back seat of thy car should you be wanting a new L&V bag or trip to Milan that weekend.
What a great post! I suppose it was only a matter of time before such a service existed!
How about - Thou Shalt tip off the paparazzi before each lesson - there's no point learning if you're not going to end up in Heat magazine.
Glad you are back and writing! I'll be in England again this summer and will probably need some driving lessons. It is hard to switch sides of the road!
teehee! good post.
seriously though, do you think WAGs can drive?!
Oh mieow! LOL ;-)
Thou shalt learn how to operate a gearstick with six-inch acrylic fingernails.
(Wouldn't it be easier to hire a chauffeur, though)?
Hahahaha! I'm surprised there wasn't a great big Playboy bunny etched into the side.
Brilliantly funny post!
Hey we're both Aries and I too was born in the year of the dog. See how carefully I worded that!
You've been tagged! In the Six Word Memoir competition. rolandhulme.blogspot.com/2008/04/ive-been-tagged-six-word-memoir.html
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